How to face the dreaded crisis of the 30
The wordcrisis comes from the Greek term crisis and this from the verb krinein, which means “to separate” and above all “to decide”. In Greece it was used mainly to refer to an illness, election or judgment.
- Crisis is something that breaks and must be analyzed, from there also come the words criticism (analysis or study of something to pass judgment) or criteria (adequate reasoning). Based on this idea, we can talk about many crises, but without a doubt, the life crises that most affect human beings are those of adolescence and maturity.
- And this is precisely what happens to Sam Wexler (Josh Radnor) and the rest of the characters in the film ‘Happythankyoumoreplease’ (theatrical release on April 8). Sam is not going through one of his best moments and he and his group of friends, about to enter adulthood, try to solve their doubts about love, friendship and, ultimately, discover what they really want in life.
- According to Beatriz González Saguar, psychologist and family and couples therapist, “crisis means opportunity. Opportunity to change, to evolve. Crisis of maturity would be something like going from a stage characterized by a lack of responsibilities and commitments, to another in which that society forces us to assume certain commitments with others and with ourselves (form a family, have a stable job, buy a house, etc.)”.
- “Although, I would venture to say that nowadays, adolescence lasts almost until the early twenties… What in the generations of our grandparents was done at 20 years old, is now done at 30. It is inevitable to go through this crisis because hardly anyone likes to lose certain privileges that they had in the previous stage. Assuming responsibilities means commitments, giving up, family responsibilities… it implies a lot of losses, but also a lot of gains!” explains the psychologist.
The cinema, a faithful reflection of the crises of the adult stage
- The cinema has portrayed in numerous films (‘HappyThankYouMorePlease’, ‘Reality Bites’, ‘Singles’, ‘Beautiful Girls’, ‘Chasing Amy’, ‘500 days together’, etc.) this fear of all, or almost all beings. Human, to assume that he has grown up.
- For example, in ‘HappyThankYouMorePlease’, the fears we have in adulthood are symbolized through the six protagonists. On the one hand the main character, Sam Wexler, played by Josh Radnor (Ted Mosby in ‘ How I Met Your Mother ‘), who is afraid of commitment, but on the other hand he seems to long for it, longs to take care of someone and not be alone.
- For her part, the female character from Mississippi, sweetly played by Kate Mara (‘ Shooter ‘, ‘ 127 hours ‘), doesn’t want to know anything about commitments, because she feels betrayed and spiteful. Above all, she wants to find the right person and, until he arrives, live her life in the most independent way, without ties.
- According to González Saguar, “although men and women are going through this crisis equally, socially it seems that women are more mentalized and/or prepared to enter maturity, to start a family, have children, and make personal or work resignations. Men it weighs more heavily having to give up “adolescent” life.
- And we inevitably come to the topic “couple”. There are people who enter adulthood without a partner, and others who do so with partners they have been with for years, often even since school or university. And how to continue balanced if you enter the crisis of maturity?
- In the case of Mary Catherine and Charlie, wonderfully played by Zoe Kazan (Revolutionary Road) and Pablo Schreiber (The Wire), things get complicated when Charlie gets a job opportunity in another city. Fear strikes Mary Catherine. She has her life resolved for her in the city she loves, with a partner she has been with for years and with whom she has a very special relationship and, suddenly, everything falls apart for her… You lose control over your future or, more difficult, you have to decide about your future.
The midlife crisis can affect relationships
- “These crises can affect couple relationships in different ways. If the two members of the couple evolve towards the same place, or if one can accompany the other in their “crisis”, surely the relationship can be enriched and grow. The problem is when the crisis affects the members of the couple in a different way and the evolution of each one takes them to different places. In this case, the relationship runs the risk of going into crisis as well”, adds Beatriz.
- “This crisis of maturity is generally accompanied by physical changes (hair loss, appearance of the first wrinkles, a few extra kilos…). Many times, our biological clock is ahead of the psychological one, and that is difficult to assume.”
- Finally, a final indication from the psychologist Beatriz González Saguar to face and overcome these vital crises: “Without a doubt, the crises are different now than before. Currently, the entry into maturity does not necessarily coincide with the changes that maturity implies ( leaving the parental home, having a permanent job, having a stable relationship, having a family project), with which the panorama is complicated by not being able to materialize all these changes typical of entering maturity. This does not mean that maturity comes to us later, but that the personal, social, work and family context currently does not facilitate entry into maturity, which means another crisis”.
- So you have to be optimistic, because maturity has many positive things. We tend to see it as opposed to the previous stage, or as a loss of freedom, however I think that entering maturity makes us freer, more independent, and that is gain.
- It is important to know how to locate oneself and be able to make decisions from freedom and not so much from what society imposes on us, in this way we can feel that the life we have is the one we have chosen. Generally, people who let themselves be carried away by the rhythms of society without being aware of the changes, often enter a crisis later on.